Saturday, January 25, 2014

11 weeks

Well, I think it's fair to say that I am still adjusting to last week. I feel angry, hurt, confused, you name it.. but I have tried to fill myself up with positivity because there is no other way. I told Caydon this week, and here is the video of that! :)

I also told my parents shortly after telling him because, well, we all know that excited big brothers have big mouths. I had waited until we heard the heartbeat just incase and figured why stress them out if something were to happen. I also didn't want to ruin holidays with drama or further hurt my dad who has been struggling with a very long concussion. While I had wished I could have made it some joyous occasion (I thought about gingerbread babies, best grandparents x2 gifts, etc.) but I ended up sending them the raw videos of Caydon finding out as well as a long and direct email. The email basically told them the news, but also told them what I am going through. I asked them to not say anything if they have nothing nice to say, and my mom has respected that by silence which is hard for me because I really want her advice right now. My dad called me to ask questions. He didn't say anything positive, but didn't say anything negative either. He also wanted to remind me how he wishes I was married or, at least, getting married. I totally agree and this is so not how I wanted any of my babies to come, though I'm not sure I would want to be married to the guy Luke ended up being. The guy I thought he was and that I totally fell in love with, absolutely. I had told him I wouldn't marry him for the baby, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't marry him for us. But what a mess love can make.

I also announced to a bunch of friends who didn't know, as I had only told a few of my closest confidants. I was blown away at the love and support from friends and quickly reminded myself not to let others' judgements, close-mindedness (new word!) or negativity sway my mood. I am having this baby, and Caydon is going to be a big brother (!!!) so why let opinions that don't matter effect me?!

Anyway, cat baby is out of the bag... here are the stats.

baby/pregnancy stats:

How far along?  11 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: lost a pound after I had gained 2. My pregnant body isn't digging the thousands of emotions from this week.
Maternity clothes? Loving my new clothes, but definitely needing more!
Stretch marks? nope.
Sleep: Like WAY more than I should, but I am also trying to just get away from negativity.
Labor Signs: no way!
Belly Button in or out? in, but shrinking
Best moment this week: telling Caydon!!!
Miss Anything? the dream of being a family for all 3 kids, but I am working on getting over it.
Movement: not yet
Symptoms: oh, my hormones! It's one thing to handle stress and drama outside of pregnancy, but then you add in the hormones PLUS emotions... I haven't been the nicest, most optimistic person lately, to say the least. 
Food cravings: In-N-Out Cheeseburgers and animal fries:
(Check out the seatbelt belly!!)

and, of course, anything and everything sweet.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  everything 
Anything make you emotional?: One minute I'm happy because Caydon's excitement is contagious, the next I want my mommy & daddy, another a friend is sweetly supportive and makes me smile, and THEN the next I start totally losing it in thoughts about Luke and his new girlfriend. Nope, I'm not emotional at all! Hah!
Bump Alert: I think it's fair to say I'm not just getting fat :)
Gender prediction: girl vibes!
Happy or Moody most of the time: trying to hide emotions in happiness, but I'm not always too successful
Pregnancy Dreams: lots of nightmares still, which keeps me at hardly sleeping
Fearing: shared custody (.) <--period
finances (.)
Caydon seeing this baby have an involved dad (.)
Anticipating: Caydon becoming a big brother

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